Sleep per Day: (Target) 7h30m / day (Actual) 7h14m / day (24 day average)
Exercise: (Target) 30 min walk (Actual) Walked 30+ minutes today
Digestive System: (Target) No.2 twice / day (Actual) 1 time today
For some reason a conversation today with a colleague and also good friend of mine touched upon philosophical views, and there was a lot of shock when he heard that I was a existential nihilist.
He asked why I’m still living on, or why I don’t max the shit out of my dopamine system with drugs.
I just feel that if life has no inherent meaning, then death has no inherent meaning. As a result, there’s no point in prematurely dying since it doesn’t change the fact that either has no inherent meaning.
However, since suicide is always an option, it allows me to be fearless in living out a life I want (live with integrity, transparency and rationality), and I get to satisfy my curiosity of how my life pans out. If my life doesn’t pan out the way I want and it gets too painful, then suicide is always an option at the end of the day.
As for why I don’t max the shit out of my dopamine system with drugs, it is because I adhere to a Stoicist or Buddhist tradition of tranquility. Maybe it’s because I’m naturally a very emotional person (I’m a INFJ according to MBTI), and nothing good has ever happened when I was extremely emotional, so staying calm at all times has been very important to me. To me, true happiness is being content, and it’s that attitude that I try to bring to life and work every day.
I also just think there’s a certain cap on how much of a high you can humanly experience due to limitations of our biological system, and usually these highs are followed by extreme lows, which is exactly the kind of extremely emotional situations that I’ve been trying to avoid my whole life. I’ve also always strongly believed that hedonism is not the way to go when it comes to happiness (have too many real life examples of people I know of).
Which is why when it comes to facing the reality that life has no inherent meaning I choose to be an absurdist under the definition of Albert Camus. Knowing full well that life has no inherent meaning, I would do whatever allows me to maximize appreciating the beauty of life, which is to do what my humanity compels me to do.
And what does my humanity compel me to do? Dedicate my whole life to effective philanthropy.
So even if at the end of the day my actions are meaningless and my humanity is absurd, I get to appreciate the beauty of what this game called life is.
After all, no one ever asks the question of why I should eat that chocolate if I’m going to die anyways. You’d just eat the chocolate when you want to and cherish the moment while it lasts.