Sick (2)

By Mennonite Church USA Archives [see page for license], via Wikimedia Commons

All Time Sleeping Average: (Target) 7h30m / day (Actual) 7h31m / day (120 night average)

3 Day Sleeping Average: (Target) 7+h / day (Actual) 10h10m / day (11h26m, 10h39m, 8h26m)

I feel frustrated that I dropped the ball on writing a blog post every 1-2 days since setting the target to write regularly on July 19th 2015.

But I have to admit, I was in a quite low point since Friday, physically and mentally.

Physically, I was sick due to hypothermia (initially mistaken as gastroenteritis). Mentally, I just felt drained.

And it’s been something I’ve pondered upon – why I keep getting sick and why I feel so drained these past few weeks. It’s not like being anxious was something that just started.

And I think I just forgot about my why. Or more like my why died in front of me and I literally gave up finding ways to resurrect it or find a new why to replace it.

But then I watched The Martian, and I remember vividly that moment when Mark Watney was all by himself in the artificial habitat faced with an overwhelmingly unlikely to survive scenario, and he says, “I’m Not Going To Die Here”.

And for the rest of the movie, he just goes to work, solving obstacle after obstacle after obstacle until he could get back home.

And that was inspiring.

And it made me think. Do I want to go back to the old me where I’d just easily give up when things started getting difficult? Or do I want to embrace the new me who’s been striding into challenges head on and not shying away?

I mean, look at the stats. Not counting this blog post, I’ve published 59 blog posts (not counting those I’ve forego publishing or deleted later on) in a span of less than 3 months since starting this write every 1-2 days journey on July 19th 2015. That is 1.9x more than the 31 blog posts I wrote in the 11 months before.

To me, that’s just the start of the new me, and the old me would never had been able to achieve such consistency and be so prolific.

And the good news, I just got “clearance” from my lawyer friend saying that the legal risk of starting a charity trust was much less than I originally anticipated since I forgot to mention to her that I intended to be the sole trustor and trustee in the previous discussion.

I really need to pat myself in the back, commend myself for the progress I’ve done so far instead of kicking myself down so hard, and get back to work.

And I need to meditate on my why, every single day.

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