I Still Have Regret

By Specialtoyoutoyou (Own work) [CC BY-SA 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

All Time Sleeping Average: (Target) 7h30m / day (Actual) 7h34m / day (140 night average)

3 Day Sleeping Average: (Target) 7+h / day (Actual) 8h51m / day (7h51m, 9h09m, 9h34m)

I don’t remember why, but I felt melancholy one day and went through my old emails back in Secondary up to beginning of university.

And when I stumbled upon the email exchanges I had with my good friend Tahsin, my heart just sank. The last email he sent me was 2010 and I realized I never wrote him back.

He passed away on 2012 Oct 21st due to food poisoning.

I always keep telling people I don’t regret any decision I’ve ever made in life since all those experiences have made me who I am today.

But when I was reading my email exchanges with Tahsin, it struck me how I was wrong. I so regret not continuing to exchange emails, or even reply his last email back in 2010 when he asked me how was life in HKUST.

When you and the other party is still alive, you can still attempt to rectify mistakes. Whether the action is successful or not doesn’t matter because at least you could do whatever you could.

That’s what happened with my other friend Frances, who committed suicide on 2012 May 14th, which I’ve come to terms with through realizing there wasn’t much I can do after going through counseling and seeing the situation in a different perspective. To a certain extent, you knew it was a lingering possibility since she was depressed and seeked me out to learn more about Christianity (why I’ve abandoned Christianity is an another story altogether).

But accidental death? You don’t see it coming, and it just hits you much harder.

And death is the ultimate. Whether you believe in the afterlife or not, my dead friends aren’t going to write back.

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